A wild jam with Sky Chowan, Tommy Chowan, Angus Gibbs, Zachariah Norton and Thomas Farmer.

Words by Sky Chowan

Ham hock, blue cheese, yam, potatoes, barley and all other manner of soup materials are collected by the Cosmic Barbers. To fill Barry’s stomach, we need supplies for the journey into the interior.

Every other attempt had been scorned by the Almighty Galactic Sky Turtle of Choices.

For some strange reason this Old Galactic Turtle wants us to stay in the city…   (not cool almighty sky turtle. Not cool)

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Roughly 9 months ago we came up with an idea for a red & white stripy bus we could all travel in around Canada and North America…  about 2 months ago we purchased said bus and embarked on the journey of transforming the appearance from a beige 1981 GMC Citation with mission brown speed stripes to Barry. Not once up until then did I realize or consider how hard it could actually be, so if you’re thinking about repainting, wrapping or making something crazy out of found and donated objects have a read of this before hand for a little inspiration and maybe some helpful hints.

Firstly…  Research!!!  Have multiple options so you don’t get half way through the first coat and have to move on or realize you are actually painting the rest of the cars in the car park as well…  for all those land pirates out there.

Measure and plan…  it doesn’t have to be down o the millimeter but having a rough guide will mean less of the ‘F’ word later on…  and more money in your pocket at the end of it….

So we had three options, One was to hire an airless house painting system coupled with a 1000w generator from ‘RONA’, wheel it to the far car park where Barry would be waiting clean and masked. Load it with flexible exterior paint and pray to the almighty sky turtle that we had what it took…

Option Two was to spray paint it in the alley next to Third  (Graffiti/paint shop down town)  and have to deal with all the crack heads.

Option Three was to use spray paint like Option Two but do everything in the shade of the maple trees and at the relaxed pace of Trout Lake…

Obviously Option Three was chosen as we would have more overall control on the situation. The devil and his spicy advocate played a huge part in deciding the where aboots and how-aboots we would do this… “What if its windy or raining when you hire the air gun?”,  “You’ll paint half the car park.”,  “Coppers don’t give a shit what your doing, they want you to leave regardless.”,  “Have you any idea how long it will take to paint this thing?”, to which we answered “No?”

We hadn’t even started yet and it was amounting to a stressful and daunting task…  Lists were written, plans were planned and shits were lost….  Some sand paper was purchased along with masks, gloves, sponges, a bucket, 7 rolls of green masking tape, TSP (washing solution) and 34 cans of white Montana spray paint…  Well two lots of 17 but lets not get into that…  And some ‘fat caps’ to get the most paint onto the the surface whilst painting and we were set….

The sanding took us two days to complete with only uncle Trout and Cpt. Yom slaving with buckets of water and wet & dry sandpaper getting into all the grooves and panels of our new home…  The Vancouver baptist church played in the background and we smiled.

Upon washing Barry with the specialized detergent to free his skin from dirt and oil revealed that the past two days had been worth the pain and our canvas was sufficiently prepped for the transformation.

Step three…  Masking…  Prepare to get bored shitless…  Because I did, but don’t lose hope the same tape which is stealing every part of your creative and patient soul will be your ticket to pure joy in a couple of steps.

Once all the fiddly headlights, indicators, generators and locks have been masked and you have news print coving your windows, like a crack house, it’s finally time to paint. The only thing that will effect the paints finish now is the weather…  Getting too hot, too cold, too windy or rain which is the worst because it softens the adhesive in the tape and gives you a big messy headache. Thankfully that didn’t happen to us although the wind halted production for a couple of days and made the finish a bit rough on one side of Barry and my hair and beard sticky like you wouldn’t believe…  Sorry I digress.
Early in the morning is probably the best time to paint because the air is still so you don’t lose too much  paint in the wind. Apart from the couple of days of wind everything went off with out a problem. I still have visions of explaining to a group of angry ‘RONA’ staff and customers why there is flexible exterior paint on their new Prius’ and monster trucks…

Now comes joy…  Pulling off the tape reveals Barry’s swanky new suit… 

INSERT:  Celebration dance, Celebration Drink(s) and celebration smokey… (not the hideous sausage).

The next step involves purchasing a 150ft roll of red vinyl sticky stuff and relearning year 10 maths…  As it turns out Pi r squared = Barry Pimpin & The Cosmic Barbers…  Who’d a thunk it?

Hot tip from a pro.
“Start on the side people don’t see as much.” This was the best piece of advice we were given as we are neither car painters nor vinyl car wrappers and we were sure to ‘F’ it up. After the first stripe we only got better just do it in the shade and if you can use a hair dryer to heat up the vinyl to manipulate it into the cracks, do so it will give you a smoother finish.

At least 3 full days, 2 people and as many beers and Miki’s of Fireball that money can buy should be accounted for this hefty task.

Always take a step back and make sure what ever your doing is straight, especially when drinking Fireball. Otherwise we would of had a bus covered in wonky stripes…  And ya don’t want that do ya?

Barry’s endearing facial hair is constructed from vacuum cleaner hose, metal rod, 3 different types of tape, chicken wire, bike helmet padding and an obscene amount of bicycle inner tubes. Everything but the inner tubes were used in layers to create the tapered form whilst retaining a non porous nature as it lives on the outside…  The inner tubes were then attached with cable ties length ways in even sections then additional inner tubes were woven through to provide texture and form whilst ironically hairdressing techniques were used to taper the ends of the ‘stache into a point.

All in all, the transformation took about three weeks to complete and cost close to $700 for all the materials with plenty left over to make signs and various other things.

Thank you to Mario and Cam the Kiwi’s who talked us out of the house paint and car parks…  Jen and Viv for the use of your hose and your precious view of Trout Lake, and for loving, not hating.
Also to Bikes on the drive for all the Helmet padding and Tusia for all of your gifts especially the inner tubes and the JBL’s they flippin rock!

breakfast, lunch and blog!

“I had a dream last night that I was Super-man I could fly all around, I flew my ex-girlfriend to the Moon to have sex because she still loved me… We breathed as one.”

“I’m coming back just for the snouts” (Mustache is Swiss)

“Leave my ear hairs they are part of my extra sensory system”

Smiles and laughter for Barry and The Cosmic Barber’s as the traffic rattles past, people often stopping either to stare, make strange hand signals… or to stop in for a good old fashioned chin wag, wig-chop and of course my favourite… the brain melting things people say.

One of the greatest brain melters I have met so far is strangely enough another Land Pirate. His Name is Arthur.

I forgot to tell you that we are parked at the present on one of our favorite streets in Vancouver, yes that’s right folks Main Street EAST SIDE!!! I’ll get back to Arthur in a moment.

You have to pack up, you cant be here…

Sorry who are you exactly?

My name is Ian I’m from the city of vancouver.

… Hi my name is Zach why do we have to move? We have paid parking!!!

I’m with the licenses and Inspections and you need a business license. We had a complaint from a local business.

We are not a business we are gifting for haircuts. We just swapped a haircut for a Swiss Army knife.

Oh you trade?…

Yes… Let me show you our signage.
    -TRIM YOUR LOCKS FOR A NEW PAIR OF SOCKS
We are not charging a price, we are non profit.

Oh I haven’t come across that before, I’ll have to look in to it.

Thanks Ian can you contact me and explain your findings and can I have your business card?

Sure.

Thanks mate have a nice day.

I continue cutting Aaron’s curls and discuss the previous conversation.
I think of the exposure of late. (CBC Radio, Co-op Radio and Barry’s new coat)

The city has finally taken notice I guess they don’t want to encourage people to gift instead of towing the line and paying the TAXES.

“I bet they send the Health department!”

I sip my coffee from Kafka’s turn and a pretty conservatively dressed Asian lady approaches… with a plastic seal of approval swinging on her slender neck. She is polite yet unhappy with us, ironic as today we were told about the forestry workers plight in Golden BC. (look into that story!)

Two old Italian gentlemen arrive in matching shirts and and trousers pulled far too high for good circulation and lean aggressively on the Vancouver sun newspaper stand. **Enter the local barber’s** “You cant do this we have been in business for 40 years”

Tumble weed rolls across my line of vision and I imagine the scissors glint ready to draw follicles. “We come in peace put your scissors away, we mean you no harm”

The local women sigh in relief, no blood will shed on this day… Oh how wrong I was…

Maybe our new strap line should be ‘By-laws? How are we meant to buy food?

First blood was drawn soon after the local Barbers left.

Captain Yom received a phone call from Bruce Peet the Property Use Inspector for Vancouver City Council stating that we were going to receive a hefty fine for not having a business license / Breaking By-laws and Health & safety were breathing heavily down our necks…Get this we asked for the appropriate documentation to be sent to us so we could fully understand why we were in trouble we had to argue just to receive an email.

I’d like to say to you Vancouver City:

Today I cut a kind and humble garbage collectors hair.

In show of gratitude he returned with two salad sandwiches.

If you have a problem with us gifting then you are more than welcome to our pickles and mustard…

We are more than happy to share!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Enough about By-Laws and bullshit.

Sorry Arthur I was distracted by ‘the man’, It will be my pleasure to expand further on our brain melting conversations that I hold so dear… When I’m not distracted. Also a big sorry to all the great people we have been meeting on Main Street we love you guys, we had a ball gifting with you hope you crazy kids like your new do’s!!

Tomorrow we will plan to CUT HAIR FREE on a park near National and Maine!! The Banks Dogs will be attending for a jam and we are praying for a drum circle….So to all you drummers and musicians.. come one come all, no discrimination we love you all!!!

Let’s talk about what it actually means to live in a democratic society…

P.S I’m sorry to hear about the 12 year old boys  trying to raise money for their soccer uniforms by opening a lemonade stand set up in a park in Coquitlam  then being shut down by a By-Law officer. SHAME SHAME SHAME!!!! (never mind lads if you hear us we will gladly help out and don’t let this stupidity get you down.

Have you got a license for that blog?

The suns rays filter softly through the Sugar Maple’s on this fine summer day. Local Asians beat out erratic rhythms on their tinny cymbals & drums from one end of the park and the local Baptist Church choir strum their guitars and sing Hallelujah from the other, as Captain Yom and I sweat over Barry taping and peeling to the rhythms of Trout Lake.

Baz is still nude but the candy cane swirled coat is so close I can smell freedom on the wind… I can also smell dog poo… but I guess these are the things one must put up with when living in local parks.

We seem to be attracting other Land Pirates at the moment and have struck up friendships with others living off the grid, my ink spills on the page tonight after sitting cross legged in the park till all hours with another Land Pirate named Bill… His piercing blue eyes sit in a weathered face that has seen many roads. He spoke of time past and of time not yet spent… and for once I sat back and shut my mouth and listened.

This I find is a problem with many people, no one ever listens! Its like they only listen for a gap in the conversation so they can spew as much of their own opinions as possible, covering everyone with their mind stench.

The stories that flow from Bill I will not write down as they are his to tell not mine, but I highly recommend that as a young person when you come across certain characters for once just shut your mouth and take in every word because when life experience told so un-shamelesly is like finding a treasure amongst the garbage.

Thank you to Darek and Bill the Land Pirates for sharing a beer and telling great stories and last but not least thank you to Skye the boy that is more man than most and may the music keep flowing strongly through your veins.

Grandview Park:

Sock-eye Salmon, Alfalfa, Curry Powder, Mung Beans, Vitamin C tablets and random $10 bills are the currency with which we trade with the locals now, Barry seems to attract characters like moths drawn to the light, Violins saw and moan on the grass and young men beat their guitars singing tales of wonder with souls far older than the vessel. For the first time in our lives we feel like we are living in a different era (except for the tasteless plastic people movers parked on the street). But the people… timeless.

“Trim your locks for a new pair of socks” we shout “Trim ya locks fo what ever ya gots” Afros, Gingers, 70’s shags and the punk kids are the first patrons of Barry Pimpin, we don’t make a lot but seeing the appreciation of some people turns a once bothered job in to a labor of love.

Spanish Banks/Jericho:

Humungus tankers squat in the water whilst tiny white boats sail around them like the dandruff that falls from my comb, fallen trees stripped of their limbs line the sand in perpendicular arrangement, people perch upon them like water birds perched on a hippopotamus’s arse. The sand is the colour of the muck that I scrape from behind my ears. I’m making Spanish Banks sound bad… It is most certainly not!

The snow clings to the mountains desperately, the maple trees gently shade Barry as the Cosmic Barber’s cook breakfast, sip ‘erbal tea and drink in the vista from Barry’s  comfortable womb.

VIEUX FARKA TOUR´E is the sound and Africa Rising makes our feathers, space men and beads shake and moan (we have been making jewelery).

Locals smile as they walk by… did I tell you that Barry has finally hit puberty and has grown a mustache.  (We are so proud of Barry he has been behaving very well lately and it is a pleasure to commune with him)

*Found object - Just like Mamme Noodles

Back to the beach… The runners run, the beach bums bum, the hover crafts hover, the swimmers swim, the tourists stare and the Cosmic Barber’s just are. Trading has been grand on Spanish banks… Korean quisine, Will the ice cream man hooked us up with some tasty delights, chicken and salmon warps and enough lentils to build an igloo (if we weren’t on the beach).

Barry has decided that after another week of trading in Vancouver it is time for getting out of the city to howl at the moon dance around the fire and share stories with a special old friend who will be joining us on our adventure. Welcome Angus we look forward to your face.

*Found object - Skatelegs zine

*Found object - Hand made business cards like ours…

*Found objects - Grocery delivery & Blog promo cards

Vandalism
The vandalism of Barry with his broken glasses, stolen goods and almost again the end of our faith in people has disappointed the Cosmic Barbers deeply although we have decided not to let our tears and this continued bad luck affect our mission as we are currently living our dreams.

There are many greedy people among us… But the true shine brightly to the end of their days and forever onwards in the hearts of their beloved. So let us not cry over spilt milk and look forward instead of backwards.

So sorry folks no photos for a while as Zachariah is shooting on the Holga and the analogue process is expensive and slow. We promise to continue documenting the story in anyway possible so check us out in a little while and keep your fingers crossed for us.

We hope you have liked the hair cuts and stories.

Narwhales rule and thieves smoke a donkey’s…

To blog or not to blog.

Ps. Thank you to all the people who have given generously especially Pamela, Jen, Felicity, Bikes on the drive, Ruth and many more whose names are written on scraps of paper flying around Barry’s insides. Thank you.

The sea’s have been stormy for Barry of late…  Shit has been hitting the fan on such a regular basis that we have taken to wearing wide brim hats constantly, Although now the sky’s are brightening and land sailing is smooth.

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It was a cold crisp Sunday morning, the adrenalin was still pumping through my veins from steering Barry’s rudder earlier that week and from the amazing ride through Pacific Spirit Park the night before.

Quick note: Thanks Jakub for said ride, another 2 months until the next one.

As I crossed 12th avenue my mind was elsewhere, probably on the beach in the Bahama’s having a break from the pain caused by the evil banks we all hate so much. Suddenly I found my self lying on the ground in excruciating pain, wrist all mangled and bike on top of me I soon realized what this meant… Barry will be taking the passenger seat for an unknown amount of time. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

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So we have money to purchase our Land Boat of rainbows and radness but alas once again our efforts have been thwarted by the evil Visa Travelex card that only lets us have a thousand treasures per day… Faaaarkk.

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Where do we start….

Nice to meet your moose but the Same-sun backpackers on Granville sucks a fat cheese curd with its un-friendly staff, its snail slow internet and bed bug infested dorm rooms. Anyway it was the first port of call in this foreign land of poutine and panhandlers. 

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This is Barry, Barry is going to travel with us on our journey of a lifetime. The path is in no way defined for Barry, he just wants to take it as it comes.

Barry has worked in the ambulance forces and has seen enough blood shed in his life and is seeking peace on the open road. He is heavily influenced by music.. His taste’s vary from obscure soup chants to Turkish 70’s psychedelia. But the most importantly he loves comfort and his dress sense is off the hook, Barry rocks a Red candy cane swirl on a white body with a huge black flowing mustache, he comes equipped with barbering chairs, swing-out framed mirrors and a phat sound system.

Barry also comes packed with two barbers their names are Zachariah and Thomas…

Zachariah has been cutting hair since he was 14 years old he had a brief stint at university studying photography… Zach also likes trout. On a cold clear morning you may hear him whispering to the trout down by the steam… Ive heard him do it… its weird…

   And Thomas who has been snippy schnappin’ since he was 24 and is still 24… He was a trained as a graphic designer but after about four years he decided to change careers, he went from bike sales to burger flipping and now follicle snipping. These two traveling companions of Barry are old crew from Dr follicles barber shop in Melbourne.

Zachariah and Tom are going to document the trip for barry as he suffers from high blood pressure. Barry’s visual diary will consist of  video recordings of travelers stories and conversations, do it yourself outdoor snipping, trout whispering, mustache grooming techniques, portraits and drawings.


Barry Is going travel from anchorage Alaska  down the west coast of America to Mexico cutting crazy characters all the way.

The quest to build Barry begins in Vancouver on the 25th of April 2010.

We will keep you blogged…

For now if you want to contact us you can by emailing us.        imetbarry@gmail.com

Barry.